Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
how does that bad decision feel?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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