I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
