he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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