Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
