Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Less talking, more tequila
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize