girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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