i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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