The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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