woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
