youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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