They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
