we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
