Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
