I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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