remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
