Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
