If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hippo gnu deer
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drunk is a universal language darling
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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