Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
