Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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