And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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