You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
