I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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