Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
