Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
