I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
