May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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