You're my little dorito
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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