Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The feeling are messing with the penis
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
