Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
