Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There r osticjed everywhere
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
