Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
