I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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