HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you would pick up someone in the library
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
