yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
