pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
