my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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