Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
