I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
