So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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