Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
