Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
