somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
