Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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