I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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