I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
not ubering you a puppy
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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