Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
