I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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