32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
