My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
