still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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