I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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