I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
