If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize