Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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