I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
