He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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