did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
