saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Bang-toberfest begins!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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