I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
