Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I could fuck to npr.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
