when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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