if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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