But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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