We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
