May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hippo gnu deer
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
