Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
