I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
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If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
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HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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