I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
