Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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