My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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