Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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