He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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